Getting Emotional Support When Trying to Conceive
From fighting back tears when your sister-in-law announces she’s pregnant (with her third) to stressing out before every single doctor’s appointment, infertility can be intense.
And for good reason; it’s a complicated, emotional, messy-as-hell experience for 1 in 8 couples. The whole ordeal can quickly hijack your life because when you’re dealing with fertility issues, you’re also dealing with marriage issues, medical issues, financial issues, friendship issues, and oftentimes mental health issues. That’s a lot of issues!
While our usual support network of friends and family members try to be there for us, it’s really tough for anyone who hasn’t been through infertility firsthand to GET the intensity of the ordeal. Sure, our loved ones want to support us, but they struggle to be there in a meaningful way that isn’t just a string of platitudes like, “Try to relax,” or “It’s going to be fine.” Even your best friend probably doesn’t really understand the level of despair you feel when you get your period.
This empathy gap and lack of understanding is why 61% of women going through infertility don’t tell anyone about this struggle; not their moms. Not their friends. No one. Which is absolutely heartbreaking, because the only thing worse than going through infertility is going through it alone.
The good news? Today, suffering in silence is completely optional. There are many ways to find new TTC (“Trying to Conceive”) friends who know what you’re going through and can help support you in a real, meaningful way. In fact, there’s a whole underground world of women sharing their journeys and supporting one another right under your nose.
So how can you find the emotional support and community you need when trying to conceive? Here are a few awesome ways you can start connecting with other women who know what it feels like to spontaneously burst into tears when you walk past the baby section at Target.
- 1. Fruitful –– Fruitful is a free fertility mentorship matching program. Individuals struggling emotionally with infertility are paired with a mentor who has experienced it firsthand but is now on the other side. The service is free and a great way to talk one-on-one to someone (either via text, phone, email or in-person) who truly understands the struggles of TTC. The benefit of having a mentor? It’s less competitive than going through the experience with someone else actively trying to conceive, and mentors are also able to offer the perspective, knowledge, and guidance that only comes with a bit of distance.
- 2. Instagram –– The Instagram #TTC community? Wowza. It’s massive. Just search the hashtag #TTC or #IVF or any other fertility code word and you’ll see a bevy of women (some anonymous, some loud and proud) sharing the most intimate details of their journey – from positive OPKs to confessionals about ditching their friend’s baby shower. It’s a great place to read other women’s stories and find “cycle buddies” who are also going through what you’re going through. The only downside? Lots of BFP pregnancy test photos, bump pics and ultrasound scans…so if you’re easily triggered, this is a huge downside.
- 3. Private FB Groups –– Private Facebook groups are another way to connect with women also struggling with infertility. It’s a great resource for finding others going through the experience but offers a lot of the same pitfalls as Instagram (mainly, potentially triggering posts and photos from others TTC). Perhaps the greatest downfall of Facebook groups is that even if the group is private, it’s still connected to your personal account. And as you probably already know, nothing on Facebook stays private for long.
- 4. Support Groups –– In-person fertility support groups are another great way to find fellow #TTCSisters. Listening to someone tell their own story, and in turn, sharing your own can be incredibly powerful. There’s something about looking someone in the eye and really seeing their pain and hope that makes you feel less alone. The only downside is the availability of these types of groups in more rural areas and also, it can be terrifying for introverts to share their story or even go to the support group in the first place.
What resources have you found useful? Please share your favorite TTC communities and why you love them in the comments below. And remember, you do NOT have to go through infertility alone.
May 15, 2019